Words, phrases, and little things that inspire me:
Inspiration through Perspiration
S.S.P.P. (Single Subject Preparation Program, Sage Soto Parsons Palace)
V.I.P. & M.V.P. (Visualize, Initiate, Persevere & Monitor, Verify, Perform)
E.M.H.E
S.E (Sustained Excellence)
Jo and I went to Pleasant Hill for a day long seminar/intensive/interview, whatever da heck you wanna call it. But for a good hour, Jo and I took pictures of ourselves with some ducks. Weird, huh? This is the first step in a long journey ahead of us. I'm excited, but I'm also a bit frightened by the immensity of it all. We've got a lot of homework the next few months! Jeez, and I'll be adding it to the homework that I'll have at Cal State Hayward. Still gotta enroll for classes. I'm still contemplating on whether or not I want to make the trek to the Contra Costa Campus every Monday evening. I'll be traveling from Berkeley, so it's a straight shot, but I'll have to burrow through the Caldecott, albeit all four lanes should be open in that direction.
Went to Sun Valley Mall afterwards and chilled with Jo. Bought a couple of ladders, of the three foot length, some paint supplies, and a pair of sandles I've been looking for. They weren't exorbitantly exp
After staying up late last night and reminiscing with Jo about the old days in bed, I wanted to get up early to finish my questionnaire. Didn't do it though, so Jo got mad at me. We fought, but made up on the ride over to Concord. Dropped off some paperwork, ate some breakfast at the Goldilocks in Concord, and went shopping in Walnut Creek. Brought the Gilbster, so I just walked him around a bit. Still get the same ole' comments, especially from kids. "He looks like a fox....He looks like a lion." Gilbey behaved well. He loves car rides, especially when the windows are open. Went home and slept. Watched some of the olympics and the A's game. Miggy's back. He got a standing O. Good, he deserves it. Jo and I cleaned the dofa and chaise inside out, as well as the carpet. That Hoover sure comes in handy.
August 21, 2004
Payed off all of our credit cards, except the one that's due on 9/10. Holy crap, my birthday's coming up. I'll be 29 years old, a year away from mortality. Worked last night and checked in with staff about the tenuous environment in the milieu. 2 prominent staff members gone, therapists switched, high-maintenance kid gone, break week, camp in one week, and changes in rooms have led to lots of blow outs, restraints, and quiet room usage. MB had to be broken off, and he tried to get testy with me this morning, so I put him in his place right quick. Work tonight, and I'm one on. Good, I like it better that way. Told staffmembers GP and RC about our difficulties, and they wish me the best. I feel so bad for GP and her PMOF. She's a sweet girl. Who likes other girls. Suh-weet, indeed. J/P, she's a butch. Bery nice and funny, nonetheless.
In b/t shifts, I slept through the end of the USA vs. Lithuania basketball game. Friggin' NBC tape delayed it even though it said it was live. While switching to Fox to see Barry Bonds hit, they flash the final score - USA loses by 4. I'm glad, so I got more sleep. Thought about mowing the lawn, and all of a sudden, I hear our neighbor mowing both our lawns. I have good neighbors; both bookends mowed our lawns. I've gotta make sure I get it done next time.
Went to Jay and Norb's housewarming. It was nice and relazing; mostly poker, pasoy dos, and talking with old friends. The OC was there, as well as the Yan sistas. Haven't seen them in a minute. Played pasoy with Jo, Ev, and Ryan. I'm really impressed with Ryan; he is certainly a good-hearted, level-headed kid. Eli and PJ were there as well, and they are as cute as little baby fur seals. I wish I had one of my own.
Songs to put on my blogs -
IT'S LIKE THIS
Different Point of View (DB Boulevard)- 8
I Remember (Damien Rice's O)- 9 (up to two minutes)
Warning Sign (Coldplay's Rush of Blood to the Head)- 8
Scarlet Begonias (Sublime's 40oz. to Freedom)- 10
By Your Side (Sade's Lovers Rock)- 1
Buggin' Out (Tribe Called Quest's Low End Theory)- 2
I Love You (Sarah Mclachlan's Surfacing)- 2
Pearl's Girl (Amp; Underworld)- 3
Cannonball (Damien Rice's O)- 4
The Scientist (Coldplay's Rush of Blood to the Head)- 4
All Mixed Up (311's greatest hits)- 3
Beautiful Disaster (311's greatest hits)- 6
People of the Sun (Rage Against the Machine's Evil Empire)- 1
Don't Push (Sublime's Second Hand Smoke)- 5
Knowledge of Self, Determination (Blackstar)- 8
Lively Up Yourself (Bob Marley's Songs of Freedom, disc 2)- 16
Miss You (Aaliyah)
One Mic (Caramel; Nas)- 14
CHOLESSTEROL
Don't Push (Sublime's 40 oz. to Freedom)- 5
Narayan (Prodigy's Fat of the Land)- 7
Ni Ten Ichi Ryu (Amp; Photek)- 5
Shadrach (Beastie Boy's Paul's Boutique)- 13
Ultrasonic Sound (Matrix; Hive)- 10
Leave You Far Behind (Matrix; Lunatic Calm)- 6
Inner City Life (Amp; Goldie)- 9
Don't Stay Home (311's greatest hits)- 12
Vietnow (Rage Against the Machine's Evil Empire)- 3
Down Rodeo (Rage Against the Machine's Evil Empire)- 7
Try (Bare Essentials vol. 2; Arvid feat. Ernestos (Fenomenon remix))- 2
Starry Eyed Surprise (Paul Oakenfeld feat. Shifty Shellshock of Crazy Town)- 1
Help Me (Timo Maas feat. Kelis)- 4
Try Again (Romeo Must Die soundtrack; Aaliyah)- 1
Ryde or Dye Chick (Caramel; Ruff Ryders)- 5
Scenario (Tribe Called Quest's Low End Theory)- 14
Prime Audio Soup (Matrix; Meat Beat Manifesto)- 5
Dragula [Hot Rod Herman Remix] (Matrix; Rob Zombie)- 8
Du Hast (Matrix; Rammstein)- 12
THE BLOG
Black (Pearl Jam's Ten)- 5
You and I Both (Jason M'raz's Waiting for My Rocket to Come)- 1
Amie (Damien Rice's O)- 6
Flowing (311's greatest hits)- 2
My Baby Just Cares for Me (Stealing Beauty; Nina Simone)- 7
Rockstar (Caramel; NERD)- 12
Do what you have to do (Sarah Mclachlan's Surfacing)- 5
Girl/Boy Song (Amp; Aphex Twins)
Amber (311's greatest hits)- 4
In the Absence of Sun (Duncan Sheik)- 2
Clocks (Coldplay's Rush of Blood to the Head)- 5
Wind Below (Rage Against the Machine's Evil Empire)- 9
Get Out! (Sublime's Second Hand Smoke)- 2
Santeria (Sublime)- 6
I'll Be Seeing You (Stealing Beauty; Billie Holiday)- 8
Alice (Stealing Beauty; Cocteau Twins)- 10
Respiration (Blackstar)- 11
Trenchtown Rock (Bob Marley's Songs of Freedom, disc 2)- 3
Come Back in One Piece (Romeo Must Die soundtrack; DMX and Aaliyah)- 2
Oh Boy (Caramel; Cam'ron and NORE)- 16
U Don't Have to Call (Caramel; Usher feat. Sacario)- 17
The Man Who Sold The World (Unplugged; Nirvana)- 4
Verses From the Abstract (Tribe Called Quest's Low End Theory)- 5
Had some encouraging news this morning. Gotta pray for a new beginning. Jo's been resting since we got home, and I've been burning CD's for Ma's party. 13 down, 87 to go!
Had the crappiest day I've had in a long while. It started yesterday with some really disappointing news. I hadn't been that sad in a long time. And it wasn't sadness caused by a volitile situation like an intense fight, either. Rather, it was slow, dull, and aching, and I couldn't let it escape my stomach.
So I worked last night with some dude from SF. He told me how he likes to keep his distance from the kids because it keeps him sane. He doesn't even read their red flag sheets. What a dipshit. He belongs in SF, and not in SL Res. All I could do was listen and nod my head as if I understood, but I didn't. Then he went on and on about his writing and his non-profit project management experience. Dude was a holy roller, too. I just did my own thing the rest of the night.
Morning rolls around and DS and MS decide to pop off. They end up doing sits and going to school late. That made me late for training, which was a bit unfortunate because the rest of Res was playing beeper Jeopardy. DS and MS brings it together and we get to school at 10am. Jo calls me and gives me some bad news. More bad news. Not devastating, but bad nonetheless. There is a glimmer of hope, though. Our prayers are for that one to survive. It was surreal, sitting at the foot of the steps leading to the upper lot, watching staff and kids walk by, as Jo and I are enveloped in sadness, and I can't be there to support her. I felt like crying.
For some reason, LS and CF wanted to make sure that I attend the training. So I drop in, still in a delusional state of sadness and hope, while the staff is in the middle of playing Jeopardy. TV calls me up to play, and I have to go up. She keeps phrasing the answer in the form of an answer and getting it wrong. D'oh! Jeopardy looked like a lot of fun, but I wasn't having any.
Things sorta turned around when KW started announcing awards, birthdays, scholarships, etc. First was the scholarship; I received my 2004 scholarship once again. Not too much fanfare, because all you need to win it is an application and a pen. Nevertheless, I got called up for the first time. Got me basket of goodies and immediately started munching on the smarties. What an oxymoron, huh? Me munching on smarties. More like, just a moron.
Then KW started to announce the team of the month and I noticed J and FA standing on the side of the MPR. Hmmm....interesting. Once K-dub called Parsons meeting team as team of the month, I was half expecting it. As K-dub read off the attributes, it sounded a lot like them. As I applauded mightily (because they DO deserve it), I was called up by LS to join them. Go figure. I've only been a part of the morning crew maybe, 1 out of 5 days a week, but since I was the only overnight there from Parsons (DW and RC were absent), I was the only one getting recognition. Spoke too soon. LS mentioned the floater overnights, and immediately, D's fat ass got up to get some recongnition, as always. Even though, all she does is sit on her fat ass downstairs, waiting to receive kids for transition. So there goes the 2nd time I went up.
The third time I went up was the coup de grace (is that how it's spelled?) Then KW announced that the staff of the month would be called out. SH started to name the attributes of this staffperson, and the whole time he was reading them off, I couldn't help but think that I do all that shit all the friggin' time! But an overnight will never get it. We are considered to be a lowly life form in Res. Suddenly, my name was called out and I was genuinely surprised. "Deer in the headlights" surprised. Funny how SH was callin' my shit out, when I can't stand the fucker. He's a bad manager and an even worse communicator.
So I went up and got a plaque and certificate from KW. She told me I would get a $60 bonus. Big whoop. Now I can afford to eat out at Carrows or something. I ain't complaining, though. Squeezing any money out of a non-profit like SC is like squeezing a rock hard shit out of your asshole. I was a bit embarassed so I made a u-turn to immediately sit back down, but KW made me stay up there to get some appreciations. Awww....my first ever appreciations. But I was happy to get them from a couple of really good staff members, and they were really genuine. I think that was the only good thing to come out of today. Fuck the award, it's politics. But the appreciations were real and sincere. D the overnight and R the other overnight were probably stirring in their fat ass panties, thinking how a little pilipino fucker like me could get the first overnight staff of the month in years, while all they get is shit on their face.
Off to the individual house meeting. During check in, LS told us about her bro moving to LA, and her missing him. As usual, EF did not offer anything, and after little probing from new therapist A, LW told us his Grandma has started living in an assisted living center. When it came to my turn, I was vague, as usual. Offering the fact that there were a lot of things to be happy about, and a lot of sad, as well. I was conflicted. And I let them know that. I wonder what they'll be talking about me in the future.
Talked about the clients, but mostly argued about MB. I was getting sleepy, and my feet were stinking. I was hoping no one else was noticing. Before the heated argument re: MB started, I volunteered to play young Michael Jackson in a rendition of "One More Chance" called "Let's go to Camp". Next week, I'll get dressed up and act a fool. Maybe then, I'll actually be in the mood.
Slept for a couple of hours, then got right to work. Cleaned up the guest room, and put away all of my clothes. Cleaned the bathroom downstairs fully and partially cleaned the hallway bathroom upstairs. I really have very little closet space. I've got to organize my clothes and donate the ones I don't use. Also put away the ones I use seldomly in the guest room.
On tap today:
12am-9am Work at Sage
9-11am Inservice at Day Tx
11-1pm Parsons House meeting
1-3pm Drive Ma to doctor's appt.
3pm? Gabe's goodbye party at Fairmont Terrace park
Sleep and hang out w/ Jo
11pm Work at Sage
Nice day yesterday. Tired as hell though. When I approved my timecard for the past two weeks, I saw that I worked every friggin' day. Got some rest at Eli's party, until blackie (Bert) gave me a nut job.....with his foot. I sorta enjoyed it. Eli's party was nice, lots of kids and good food. Also saw my former student, Alma, there. I told her she was one of my favorite students, which I was not lying about. She would always be in a good mood, with a smile that could make you smile as well, even if you were having a crap day. She was also a very hard worker.
Talked to Ellis for a minute. Hopefully, we get some games going. Probably play at Logan because it's not too crowded, like eden shores. Saw Ellis' sister; hadn't seen them in a while. I didn't remember their names, so I didn't say hi. I think my brother, John, knew the oldest one, and the younger one is younger than us.
It was good to see a bunch of folk there, because it would have been shady if no one went to that thing. Even Jorge and his sister went to hang out with Jiselle for a while, although he didn't say hi to anyone. Probably felt uncomfortable.
I read the Argus article on the sentencing hearing.
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